Invader Mer
by FullMetal Zim
Summary: Zim encounters another Irken invader, sent by the Almighty Tallest, who is supposed to help him. Now Zim might make some progress. But now Dib suspects both of them are aliens.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Me want Zim, but me don't own any Invader Zim stuff. TT

Description: Zim encounters another Irken invader sent by the Almighty Tallest, who is supposed to help him. Now Dib suspects both of them are aliens. So, what happens next?

PF: An invader Zim fic! (Hops on couch and talks like Gir) I love this show.

Chapter one: Another invader

Ms. Bitters showed a pretty little girl, black hair and blue eyes, who was much cleaner then some students. "Class, we have a new student joining us today. Her name is Mer. If you have anything to say, say it NOW! Dib, what do you want?"

"She brought a dog to skool, and the dog is smelling Zim! Because he's an alien but that's not the point! She cant bring an animal to skool! If she was normal she would have known not to!" Dib screamed. Practically trying to find a reason to call her an alien.

"It followed me to school. I tried to get him to stay home but he wouldn't listen." She patted her dog on the head whispered something in it's ear and it marched out the door. She then looked around and shrugged. "Um, miss I don't see a place for me to sit." She looked at Ms. Bitters.

"Your right. You over there!" She pointed to a student next to Dib. "You've been expelled" He ran crying out of the room. "Take a seat."

On Mer's way to her new seat she pretended to drop her pencil over by Zim's desk. "Silly me. Here's an apology note!" She handed Zim a letter with strange writing on it that he recognized as the Irken language. He gasped and read the note quickly. It read:

Invader Zim,

I have been sent to you from the almighty tallest. I moved near your house and I will assist you in taking over the silly humans. It is very important that we work together else you will be discovered. we don't want that now do we! I will be at your house as soon as this pathetic skool gets out.

From, Invader Mer

Zim flinched when he read the note. "Ms Bitters. I need to go to the bathroom." He tucked the note into his pocket, glaring at Dib as he watched Zim's every movement. Ms. Bitters hissed and pointed a sharp pointy finger at the door. Mer giggled and waved goodbye to Zim. "Ewww." He shivered. Once he reached the bathroom he contacted Gir. "Gir! There is another Irken here! Be prepared for anything freaky or stupid to happen. Gir! Are you listening to me? Hello!" Gir was watching the scary monkey show. "GIR!"

"Okie-dokie!" Gir said. "Would you like fries with that?" His attention snapped back to the television. "I love this show. Bye now!"

"Gir, no! You didn't hear a word I said did you?" He screamed in frustration and returned to the class right before lunch. "Mer! We need to... talk."

"Yippeee!" She got out of her seat and followed Zim to the cafeteria. "So what do you want to tell me?" She said grinning.

"You shouldn't be here, and keep your voice down. Dib might hear." He led her into a janitors closet. "So you're an Irkan too?" She nodded and blushed a little. "And you are here to HELP me? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" He doubled over in laughter.

"Oh Zim. You're so funny." She giggled. "But I am here to help. You really should change your disguise. That paranoid kid seems a lot smarter than the rest of them."

"Don't worry, I have everything under control! So you can just go back to Irk and-"

He opened the door and a large group of students started chanting, "Zim's got a girlfriend!" Repeatedly. Dib was edging toward the front trying to break into the closet to see what was going on.

"Ahhhhh!" Zim screamed and slammed the door shut.

"Of course you do. See ya later!" She left the closet, smiling. Zim left too, only to find Dib waiting for him in the hall.

"What do you want now Dib?" He said hatefully.

"Nothing. Accept that new girl in class. She almost acts as weird as you. But she's so... happy. All she does is smile, is that not weird?" He glanced behind himself and saw Mer laughing and giggling, talking to the other girls while sitting at a table. Pretending to like the food. Still poking it and trying not to eat most of it.

"That is kind of weird. But she's just a perfectly normal human worm baby. Go ahead and ask her." Zim pointed to her and Dib turned towards the cafeteria.

Looking back at Zim he said, "If she says she's a worm baby then she's an alien." He said. When he asked Mer she faltered but the girls she was with told Dib she was a perfectly normal girl. "Fine, But I'm watching you both."

Dib watched them the rest of the day, all the while listening to Ms. Bitters repeating the words "Cow lickers" because of some weird reason for doom.

Mer went to her house and got her dog. It was two houses down from Zim's place, and Dib followed her. It was a perfectly normal looking house and when she walked inside, Dib tried to sneak in. As soon as he entered the living room, two adults came to him and looked very angry.

"You must be our little pumpkins new friend. But that is no reason to break into somebody's house! OUT!" Her father opened the door and tossed him out. "Goodbye!"

Dib hid behind the fence and waited for Mer to come back out. No matter how long it would take. Much to his luck she came walking outside with her dog several minutes later. He followed her less then a block when he realized she was going to Zim's house. When he stopped, so did Mer. "Are you done following me now?" She turned and giggled. Remembering something she saw on T.V. the previous night, (When boys follow angry girls) she screamed and kicked him. "Stalker!" He hopped up and down in pain while Mer walked happily away.

"Zim! Yoohoo! I'm here now!" Mer knocked on Zim's door and much to her surprise Gir answered the door. He was colored red and pulled out a large gun. "Where's Zim?" She asked. Gir turned blue, put the gun away, and led Mer to the toilet. "Ew. Uh, thanks you first Tejay." Her dog turned into a robot and hopped in the toilet, followed by Mer.

"Ahh! What are you doing here?" He asked her.

"The note." She turned off the hologram, revealing her Irken form. She had light red eyes, like Zim and was about five inches taller. Then reached inside of Zim's pocket. "Duh." She wasn't smiling anymore but she didn't look angry either.

"Oh that." He looked stupid. "Oh look at the time, I have to go now!"

"Sit!" He sat. "Now. Everything about this place is pathetic, but we should probably tell the Almighty Tallest that I'm here now. I've bee quite busy since I got here." Zim nodded and told his computer to contact the Almighty Tallest.

"Oh, hey guys! How's it going? I see Mer is with you." Mer smiled and nodded. "So, Zim, you are getting a better disguise aren't you?"

"Of course not!" Zim exclaimed. "This is perfect already!"

Red interrupted. "Nu-uh. Look at Mer's disguise. Wait, it is better isn't it?"

"Of course Almighty tallest." She showed them her disguise for a brief second and released it again. "It took a while to find the right one, but it was there. Zim you should have looked longer. All humans may be ugly but humans seem too have horrible taste in everything. The food here is revolting."

"Very good Mer. Zim, you're doing slightly better then we thought. If you shape up then we can bring Mer back but that won't happen for a while now will it? Well, we have a new report coming in now, see ya."

"Goodbye!" Zim said. "I'll report back later." The image disappeared and Gir entered the room.

"Gir! You should be upstairs guarding the house from people like Dib! Go!" Zim commanded.

Gir considered this and made up his mind. "Okay! If you really want to be alone... Can I bring Tejay with me?"

"No! he might turn, you know stupid, like you." Mer grabbed onto her robot Tejay and put him as far from Gir as possible. "We really need to work on that robot of yours too Zim. Have you tried fixing it?"

Zim thought back to the time he fixed Gir and panicked. "Well, of course I have! It just didn't work. He was still stupid, I guess you could say."

"BYE BYE NOW!" Gir hopped into the elevator and left them alone.

"That was weird. Now. The disguise. Let's see." She reached into her pak and pulled out some human cloths. "Try this on. Now." She shoved the cloths into his arms. "Put this on over your head."

Zim refused to put on the cloths. They smelled like humans, but she forced him to put them on any ways. "It's hideous! Never will I wear this!"

"Yes you will." She laughed. "Because I say so." Mer got a computer and selected the disguise that Zim saw most fit, it turned into a disguise machine and Zim stepped reluctantly into it. He emerged in a puff of smoke. "There. Much better." Mer stepped back and examined him. "Now, I have things to take care of at my base. Bye Zim." She waved and departed.

"Grrr." Zim growled. "This is stupid! The humans are too stupid too see through even the simplest disguise, this one is so UGLY! Ah well." Then he left to go watch the Dib. Who was following Mer, staying between Zim and Mer's house so he knew exactly what they were doing... sort of.

PF: Okay, that's all for the first chapter. Review please and come back later for more! Right Gir?

Gir: Yeah! I'm gonna go watch the scary monkey show now (20 minutes later) I'm gonna watch it again!


	2. A day in the life of two alien invaders

PF: Oh lookie, chapter two! Well. Here goes.

Summary: Another Irken invader is sent to earth to help Zim. While she is better at fooling the humans, she is still accused of being an alien. Will she be able to help Zim conquer earth?

Chapter two: A day in the life of two alien invaders.

It was before skool started on a gloomy day. Zim could just tell it was going to rain soon so he put on a bottle of glue and went to Mer's house. "Mer! Come out here now!" He commanded. "Before it rains."

"Why? It's just a little wet stuff. You're so funny." Mer walked outside and it started raining. "See, no problem- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! What is this!" Mer rolled around and ran all over her yard before going back inside.

"Here, put this on." Zim handed her a bottle of glue and she covered herself with it.

They left for school in the rain. "Mer. I saw you running around in the rain this morning. How'd it feel. Did it hurt?"

"Oh that's nonsense. Of course not. I was just playing around in the rain." She smiled and then kicked him before other students could notice.

"Hey! What was that for?" Dib glared at Zim and smiled. "You've been together half the time she's been here Zim. I'll expose you for the aliens you are! And Zim! Why aren't you green anymore?"

"Because I finally went in for surgery." Zim said proudly. Trying not to let Dib know how much he disliked the disguise.

Dib started walking away. "Hey, Dib!"

"What?

"How do you know Zim doesn't just like me?" Both Zim and Dib started laughing. "Oh you two are so silly." She giggled. "Bye now."

After everyone was in class the skool bell rang and Ms. Bitters started talking about world war forty-nine. "And the whole reason the president died is because he amounted to NOTHING! Mer, what do you want?"

"Dib is watching me obsessively. And it's scaring me." She pretended to be afraid and the whole class began booing Dib.

Dib argued. "I'm not watching her obsessively! Okay so maybe I am. But that's because she's an alien. Just like Zim. Has any one noticed that Zim looks normal?"

"Well that's because I am normal!" Zim said. "I got the surgery last night." He laughed.

"Well what about the recovery?" Dib asked.

"Silence!" Ms. Bitters commanded. "You're all worthless! So stop arguing!" The class settled down, Zim and Mer glared at Dib sometimes while Dib began thinking of ways to expose them.

After a couple hours the lunch bell rang and Mer and her new friends went to lunch, Zim and Dib trailing shortly after them. "Hold on girls, I have to go talk to Zim and Dib. Be right back!" She skipped happily to where the two stood. "So. You, with the big head."

Neither of them said anything before Zim had to explain. "She's talking about you Dib."

"I do not have a big head!" Dib screamed in frustration. "Whatever, what do you need from me? Hey!" Mer put a hall pass around Dib's neck and started hauling him towards the skool door. "Never! Let go of me!" He started to try and wriggle free.

"Zim, could you come help me throw this kid out the door? He'll explode." She laughed.

"Hey, why didn't I think of that?" Zim said to himself. Then shrugged. "Okay." Before Zim could grab one of Dib's arms he punched Mer's face and she fell back, releasing Dib as he ran far enough away so that he could at least get the pass off.

"Hey, that kid hit a girl! Get him!" Several students formed a mob and started chasing after Dib.

Ms. Bitters swooshed to the front of the line and hissed at him. "Dib. You get detention for the next two days."

"But she was trying to kill me!" He pointed to Mer who was pretending she was hurt terribly, by crying. Zim was trying not to laugh at her because she was crying. "You don't believe me do you."

"No." Ms. Bitters took off the pass and sent everyone to eat lunch.

"You think that's funny don't you?" Dib asked Zim and Mer.

"Yes. Yes we do." Zim answered. " You're lucky I hadn't come sooner, or you'd be in a million little pieces on the school grounds." Zim laughed his evil laugh, and when Dib left, returned to telling Mer the dangers of earthanoid food.

After skool, Zim and Mer were Dib free. "Well, I'm glad he has detention for the rest of the week. Let's see if there are any good ways to speed up the process of finding the weaknesses of this silly planet."

"Well. They're stupid. And they believe everything we say." Tejay came from out of Mer's house as they passed. "And they follow the things they desire." Zim pointed out.

"Then we should see what they favor most in a person and be that person. Or we could try to gain the trust of their superiors." Mer suggested.

"How would we do that?" They walked up Zim's sidewalk and entered his house. "Gir! Turn the T.V. off. We have research to do. Mer, you should go to your house, that way we can get twice the information in the same amount of time."

"Okay, bye Zim!" She and Tejay left to Mer's house to get every bit of information they could. All night they looked and took notes. They found a lot of stuff, even stuff about aliens being found and dissected by the government. It worried them but this gave them reason to believe that they were better than other alien species.

Now they had plenty of knowledge on the human government. America was considered powerful by some people, and since that's where they were, that's where they decided to stay. America has a president man from president land, and he is highly respected. So Zim decided they would try to trick him into telling the worlds secrets. And if he didn't know them all, they would risk breaking into some place with such knowledge.

"How are we going to do this then?" Mer asked.

"I don't know. Let's wait until after skool to decide. We'll have the whole weekend to think things over." Zim said.

"How long is this 'weekend'?" Mer asked. "I haven't been here long enough to know."

"Oh yeah. It's two days that all the humanoids spend watching T.V. or something else stupid. It's perfect for performing long tasks. like taking over the world. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Dib heard Zim laugh and went to catch up with him. "Hey, Zim. Why are you laughing?" He asked, stepping in front of them and walking backwards.

"Because you're about to," Dib stepped back and hit his enormous head on a pole. "walk into a pole." Mer laughed, and so did Zim. "You never stop making me laugh Dib." She continued to grin as they walked the rest of the way to skool.

Like every day at school, it was extremely uneventful. Zim and Mer didn't eat at lunch and Dib tried several times to prove they were aliens. And finally, the skool day was over.

"Run Mer, we need to get as much done today as possible." Zim and Mer started running, when they realized they could just get rides from Tejay and Gir. They hid behind a bus and contacted their robots. "Gir, come pick me up. We have much to do."

"Okay!"

"Tejay. we can finally get something done! Come and get me. We'll be going to Zim's house." Mer told her Sir Unit.

"Yes Ma'am." It's image faded and they waited for their friends to come. They arrived together, Tejay ran, but Gir flew. Mer hopped onto Tejay and Zim grabbed onto Gir's ears. "Okay, lets go!" And off they went.

"So how should we start?" Mer asked Zim. "It should start simple, so that Dib kid can't tell what we're doing until it's too late."

"We should start by writing a letter to this president man. We could propose some sort of thing that looks good for the humanoids, but helps to take part in it's destruction!" He told her excitedly. "Something that could cause stupidity." They stopped in front of Zim's house.

"I'm starved. Let's eat some snacks first." Mer said. "The food here stinks, nothing but meals. There aren't any good snacks."

"I know. It's awful." Zim got some chips, soda and sandwiches from his refrigerator and the two of them sat down to watch T.V. while they thought of what to write.

"We could send Gir. He could rot the president mans brain. e would be easier to fool. Better yet we could make Gir hypnotize him, so he could do whatever we say. He would take over the other countries and turn the leadership over to us. This would be much more subtle, so Dib wouldn't be able to interfere."

Gir turned to look at them. Smiling he said, "I love this show."

"Yes, yes we know." Zim said, annoyed. "Wait a minute, You haven't even turned the T.V. on yet!" Zim turned the T.V. on and there were two figures bouncing up and down, repeating the same noises over and over again.

Mer gasped in horror. "What is this? It's revolting Oooh take it away!" Tejay growled at the T.V. and barked. "Is anything else on?"

Zim shrugged. "Only the scary monkey show." Zim changed the channel to reveal a monkey that looked horribly tortured, just standing there.

"I'm gonna dance like a monkey!" Gir got up and started hopping around.

"Hmmmmm. Maybe we should ship him off to the president man." Zim stroked his chin. "Then again. He's so stupid he might tell them everything." Zim bit into his sandwich.

The figure of a person came down Zim's walkway. "Hey, Zim. Look out your window. I think someone is trying to spy on us." Mer walked over to the window and tried to peek out. "He's gone... Tejay go look outside."

PF: And they all lived happily ever after. Well that's all folks. For chapter two that is. Remember, eat your cheese and stay in bed. Come back and read chappie three, KK? Review too. Bye now!


	3. Zim? Jealous?

PF: Okay, I hope you liked the previous two chapters, here's chapter three.

Disclaimer: I own no Zim. It belongs to some other person. Like Jhonen Vasquez, the creator.

Chapter three: Zim, Jealous?

Tejay went to look out the window. "Ma'am. There's a hole in the ground." He said.

"Oops" Zim said.

"What do you mean, oops? Whatever. This can't be good. Tejay and I will go and get whoever it is that's in the hole." Mer took Tejay and went to catch whoever was there.

"You do that while I go beef up my security." Zim ran to his toilet and hopped in. "Come on Gir. I need your help."

"Aww. Okay." Gir said disappointedly. "Can I come?" He asked eagerly. Gir grabbed onto Zim's head and they started spiraling downwards.

(Outside by the hole) "Tejay, this hole goes strait down. Jump on in and land on the idiot digging it up." Tejay jumped in and landed on a machine. "Drill through it, but be quiet about it." Tejay did as he was told and jumped into the hole, Mer followed.

Tejay quietly drilled a hole into the machine. It seemed as if they were burrowing underneath Zim's house, and burrowing quickly too. They needed to buy some time, or distract whoever was controlling the burrower. Of course, when they got inside they discovered that it was Dib. He was too smart to just fool long enough to change the directions and coordinates.

Mer was worried about how she should do it. She came up with the perfect plan and gasped in horror. She began to whisper to herself. "There has GOT to be another way. Arghh! There isn't any time." She raised her voice so Dib could hear. "Hey Dib! What are you doing underneath Zim's house? And how did you get this thing?"

"Mer! What are you doing here? I got it in the mail! Now go away!" Dib turned to face her and pointed toward the hole in his machine. "Go, now!"

Mer hesitated and walked up to Dib. "Please change the coordinates or give up. I really don't want to do this. Honestly."

Dib shook his head. "Never!" Mer growled and reluctantly kissed him, reaching behind him and typing his own homes coordinates into the computer.

Dib realized what was happening and threw Mer off of him. "That was disgusting!" Dib started rolling around on the ground. "Now I'll have some hideous alien disease!"

"Whatever. Bye." Mer climbed out and Zim greeted her at the door. "So, what happened, why did you say 'oops'?"

"Oh, nothing. Just a minor problem. Did you take care of it?" Mer smiled and nodded. "It was Dib, wasn't it?"

"Yup. Now, let's just focus on writing a letter to the president man, shall we? Dib talk is making me sick!" They walked back into Zim's house and moved into his base. "So. Ummm. Here we go." They spent the whole weekend writing the letter to the president man.

Dear Mr. President-man,

My associates and myself have come to the attention that you are in very much danger. We put our heads together and decided that we should make you a robot! He may look stupid, but do not underestimate his power! He could take any one down if he wanted to. He is also good for mind control, not that he would ever control your mind. But he is very good for any task you give him! Please, accept this robot and let him guard your life, put it in his little robot hands!

Love, Zim and Mer Invader

On monday morning they mailed the letter, complete with Tejay inside of it. He would take over the president's brain and take all of the valuable information. Then send it back to Zim and Mer, afterwards he would help the president-man make a few bad decisions.

They set off for skool. On the way there, they discovered that Dib had taken a severe beating from his sister when he surfaced in their living room. He had a black eye and it looked very uncomfortable. He also had a cold.

"This is all your fault, Mer! I would never have caught a cold if you hadn't," He shivered. "Kissed me! Blech!"

Zim was surprised and he stopped walking. "You KISSED him! That's just DISGUSTING! Ughhhh, how could you even consider doing that! I thought you were trying to kill him!"

"I needed to buy time. I warned him but he wouldn't listen! And if I had waited any longer he would have come up in your lab!" Mer kicked Dib. "That was your fault Dib! As for the cold, that wasn't me either. You probably left your window open all night!" They proceeded to walk to skool.

"How could you possibly kiss him! That's just wrong!" Zim was still shocked.

Dib laughed. "Are you jealous, Zim? She's rather be with a human than with you!"

Mer took her turn laughing. "Dib, you don't know how desperate anyone would have to be to like you, do you. And don't worry Zim! I like you a lot more than I like that Dib thing." She stopped and thought for a moment. "Wait... I despise Dib." She giggled and walked on.

Zim was confused. 'Wait a minute. Does she like me?" Zim asked Dib.

"Oh, only since her first day at skool. You're dumb." Dib re-began his walk to skool.

"Dumb like a moose Dib. Dumb like a moose." Zim laughed and realized he just insulted himself. He growled and ran to catch up with Mer. "Are you sure your robot will be okay?"

"Duh. He could defeat any human he came across. And if it gets too dangerous then he can fly home." She assured him.

They barely got to skool in time, and they spent the day learning pathetic human stuff's. Dib and Zim were thoroughly grossed out and Zim couldn't make a big enough deal out of Mer kissing Dib.

Mer ate lunch with the human girls, she seemed popular enough so that she blended in perfectly. Zim ate with Mer and her 'friends' sometimes, but they usually flaked away within minutes when he arrived. "So what are you going to do about it? You should thank me for saving your base! Or was Dib right? Are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous! That would be ridiculous! But how could you kiss a human?" Zim asked.

"The same way you would kiss an Irken." She drank some soda. "It didn't hurt anybody but Dib. I had to find a way to change the coordinates. He surfaced in his living room and Gaz beat him up!" She laughed.

"Fine. As long as we benefited from it." Zim left the table and all of Mer's friends came back.

They were all talkative, being girls and all that junk. "So, does Zim or Dib like you?"

"Well, I'm sure way, way deep down Zim does. but Dib... nope. Thank god for that." they all laughed and talked about STUFF. The day was exceedingly boring and they didn't learn anything.

A lot of the time it went something like this: "Dib! Tell me what ten times two is!"

"Twenty."

"Wrong! Zim. What's ten times two?"

Zim wasn't paying attention. "What?"

"That's correct!"

After several days, they got a reply letter from the president-man.

Dear Zim and Mer Invader

Thank you very much for this high-tech robot. I will let him assist me in doing my work. He is...

The letter went on and on about how he was glad to have better security, something to do paperwork for him and how his life would be much easier from then on. It was only a few more days until The president-man was under their control.

"I love being me." Zim said, full of pride and arrogance. "You can go back to Irk now. I don't need your assistance."

Mer laughed at him. "If you haven't noticed, my robot is still in washington. Plus, if it weren't for me, you would have taken much longer to find this brilliant plan. I'm going to go home now! Bye!" Mer walked back home to her Earth house and thought about stuff. Zim was just being stupid. He couldn't survive without her. She had helped him to get as far as he had and he would give her no credit. Plus, she liked him too much to just leave him all alone.

She decided to stay on Earth, she would ignore Zim and see what he did. And she would try to pretend to actually like Dib. Zim would get jealous and come back to her for help sometime.

PF: Sorry that took so long. Thanks for reading it and please review! My eyes are like puppies! The next chapter will be up... eventually.


	4. Dib and Mer

Disclaimer: I own no Zim. It belongs to some other person. Like Jhonen Vasquez, the creator. Well, now I own a DVD but that doesn't count.

PF: Something just occurred to me... the last three new students (Excluding the other kid that came in with Tak) are aliens. And maybe there's a little Katamari rolling around in the classroom, that's a fourth alien! Oh, and I've been making this story up as I go along! XP This'll be interesting.

Chapter four: Dib and Mer

This was going to be hard. Dib had no real proof that she was an alien. He was just paranoid. So if she could prove she wasn't an alien then she could get closer to him. "I'll just have to start by not hanging around Zim anymore. And I'll have to STOP TALKING TO MYSELF!" Mer growled. "Computer I need to contact the tallest!"

The tallest appeared on one wall of Mer's bedroom. Red spoke first. "Hello Mer. No Zim?" The tallest gave a sigh of relief. "We were beginning to wonder if you would ever get rid of him."

Mer replied, "Yes, I know. We've gathered information on this planet's hideous government and it seems that they have hundreds of rulers. At this moment my robot is controlling every move this 'president-man' of theirs makes. From now on this mission should be pretty smooth sailing."

Purple took his turn to talk. "That's good to hear. Do you need any- hey look, someone's making donuts! DONUTS!" Red and purple ran to eat some donuts.

"You... you go do that, my tallest. Invader Mer, signing off." She signed off and started to laugh some. Mer spent the next few hours thinking of how she should convince Dib that she was not an alien. That dreadful weakness to water, it was gone now that she was covered in paste. But Dib didn't know about the paste. She didn't usually eat the human food, so she'd just have to shove it down her own throat the rest of the time.

Her computer made a few suggestions as well. A really great one for the horrid lunches. "May I suggest that you take a bag full of food to skool? That way you can eat your own food and still look human. Just cover up all the symbols with more stuff, like maybe a little bit of food coloring."

"That's brilliant! I'll make the food in the morning, but now! I think I'll just study child games. Computer I need all the information on this 'recess' that I have to sit through every day." Mer spent the rest of the time learning about what the kid's did. It was monstrously stupid to run around poking each other or throwing a ball back and forth but it would make Dib think better of her as a human.

(Meanwhile at Zim's house)

"It feels so good not to have Mer here to drag me down." Zim sat back in the couch turned the T.V. to watch the news. He had found it was a very efficient way of gathering information.

Gir got bored of the news after two seconds. Maybe three and grabbed the remote control to change the channel. "I love this show."

The scary Monkey Show came on. "That monkey..." Zim glared at the television, then snatched the remote control away from Gir. "Gir, you've got to start acting more seriously. Now that our mission is running full swing we should probably try to get ahead of ourselves!"

Gir hopped down from the couch and the green on his body became red. "Yes, my master!" He turned green again to sit back down and scream, "Weenies!" As a Deelishus Weenie commercial came on.

Zim sighed. "No Gir. We have to get to work. You go... do the thing's that you do while I watch the pitiful television."

Gir jumped up. "I like doin' the things I do!" He ran into the kitchen and jumped into the trash can, without opening it, and succeeded in falling asleep.

Zim watched the News with very few interruptions that night. The president was acting smart and actually took the hanger out of his shirt every once in a while. But the decisions he was making that seemed good, were going to slowly set the human's up for the armada.

After the news was over, the scary monkey show came on. Gir immediately woke up and took over the television. Zim glared at the monkey. "That monkey..." He walked slowly towards the toilet and got in. "Gir, don't let anyone in the house, okay?"

"Okay! Oh, it's the ice cream man!" The jingling noise sounded through the door and Gir left to get a suck monkey.

"Why is that horrible human here at 11:00 O'clock in the evening?" Zim asked himself. When he arrived in his lab and started experimenting on Nick. "Is there a time where you feel, at any length, unhappy?"

Nick shuddered and his eye twitched. "I'm always happy, so happy! I love this magical place!" He threw his hands in the air and started waving them around.

"And if you left this 'magical' place. What would happen?" Zim asked him, deciding whether or not to get more of these brain probes.

"I'd die! I'd DIE!" He ran around the room singing 'Timmy had a little rabid dog', all the while frolicking and skipping.

Zim was thinking of yanking the probe out but he had to ask one more question. "Would you do anything I told you to just to keep the happy feeling?"

Nick stopped skipping and thought about it for a moment. "Yes I would! Anything for this," He jumped up and down some more. "happy, happy, happy feeling!" Zim laughed evilly and Nick just ran around, until he ended up back in his tank full of fluid.

By that point in time there were about two hours left until skool, so Zim just rested until then.

Mer didn't go to Zim's house that morning, instead she just went straight to skool. When Zim got there she completely ignored him and went to where Dib was. "What're you doing here? Why aren't you with Zim?"

Mer already had a plan for what she would say. "I decided I knew enough about him. You said he was an alien and I thought I'd go to see for myself. So I went and tried to get as much information on his daily living as I could. I disguised myself as an alien, my grandmother taught me how to act, and I actually got a chance to see him without a disguise on! He's unbearably stupid if he couldn't tell I was human."

Dib didn't believe her. "You expect me to believe that? You tried to kill me!"

Mer thought quickly about what to say. "Well, I had to score some points with Zim, and I wouldn't have actually tried to kill you. I had to act like I hated you. The hall pass was fake any ways." She smiled as convincingly as she could.

"Right. How can I be sure that you're telling me the truth?" Dib asked her, starting to give in. But there was no way he would start to believe her so soon.

"You'll just have to decide on your own. But it's not very nice to just assume a person is an alien. You have no proof that I'm an alien." She turned from him. "Besides, I was only pretending to be an alien because I just love paranormal investigation." She walked away, grinning. "Zita! Over here!" Mer went on her way to talk to the girls and act all normal and stuff.

Dib thought to himself throughout the day. He really hadn't thought about it much. The day that she came he was especially paranoid, he had seen a fast moving bright light in the sky, so when a new girl came in the very next day he thought it might have been another alien. After all, out of the last three new kids, only one was human.

So at lunch time Dib went to go apologize. "I thought about what you said, and I'm really sorry." Dib said. Mer turned and shuddered with excitement. "I hope you're not too mad at me."

"I don't know..." She turned around and smiled widely. "I guess I'll forgive you. I can teach you how to act. That way you could probably trick Zim into thinking you are so interested in him is because you are also an alien."

Dib thought for a moment about this. "I don't know. I'll think about it later, but now I think I should eat."

She giggled. "You do that. I'll be over that way, talking to Jessica and Zita."

Jessica looked at Mer as if she was crazy. "You talk to him?"

"There's a difference between talking to a person and wanting to talk to them. I just want to see what I can do to him." She laughed. "It's an experiment. Turning a dork into a cool person." They laughed and talked some more before they had to go back to class. Mer was unusually happy, and Dib was still cautious around her but less than he used to be.

Zim was glad for the quiet. Since Mer was completely ignoring him it was as if she had gone home. Things were almost back to normal for him but now he really was making a little bit of progress. He hardly had to do anything because Tejay was pretty much controlling the entire operation in president land. Zim had much more free time that he could use to plan ahead.

At the end of the skool day Mer went home with Dib, only part of the way because she lived closer to the skool, but it was far enough for her to tell Dib her story.

"Well, when I got here I thought I would be the only person interested in paranormal studies. At my old skool I had to pretend to not like it. So when I got here and saw a green kid with no ears, I had to see what other people had to say. And you thought he was an alien. So I investigated. I found a brilliant costume to wear and slapped it on. He actually believed me!" Mer laughed at Zim. "So I just had to pretend to hate you, pretend to pretend to like every one else and I learned some valuable things."

Dib jumped, "What did you learn!" he asked her excitedly.

"I'll have to tell you tomorrow. This is my house."

"Bye, see ya tomorrow!" They waved goodbye and Dib tried not to get too anxious for the next day to come. If that happened then he wouldn't be able to pay attention to mysterious mysteries of strange mystery. But he had to at least contact agent dark booty.

When Dib got home he ran straight to his room. "Agent dark booty! You know the new girl I told you was an alien?"

Agent dark booty appeared on Dib's monitor. "Hello agent moth man. It seems as if you have collected more information on the aliens attending your skool?"

"Almost. I thought she was an alien but she's not! she was acting! She got into his base and everything, I'll talk to you again tomorrow when I have more information. Moth man out!" The image disappeared and Dib went down stairs. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

PF: Ain't I nice? Well, review please! I made most of that up on the spot so sorry if it doesn't make sense. If you review I can probably make it better but you all seem to really like it. Thank you so much for the reviews, all you nice people!


	5. Yay! More Zim!

Disclaimer: I own no Invader Zim. It all belongs to Jhonen or something.

PF: Okay, so... Ummm. Dib's all "Hey what are you doing here?" And I was all, "Hey it's over come back and review and stuff" So now it's all like, "All right it's the new chapter! Enjoy!"

Chapter five: Yay! More Zim!

Zim was sitting in the living room, waiting for Dib to come down so he could warn Dib about Mer being an alien. He was also busy picking bits of poop-corn out of his wig. "What do you thiknk I'm doing here? I'm sure you're aware that Mer is an alien?"

Dib grabbed a bat. "What? You still think she's an alien? She was just wearing a costume! You're so stupid you couldn't even tell that she was acting! Now get out of my house, Mysterious mysteries is almost on!" Dib went to go smack Zim with the bat.

Gaz growled. "Go play in another room. Your voices are making me sick!" She continued playing her game, but made it clear that she was angry.

"Disguise? How can she possibly fool me with a few pieces of clothing? Besides, she gave me a note, in the Irken language. PLus she contacted the Tallest with me." Zim told Dib.

Dib was confused. It was like a flash back of Tak. "How do I know you're telling the truth? You could just be jealous! After all, she used to hang around you. She just stopped that to be with me." Dib fought back. "This is the same kind of hting you said when Tak came. But, then, she was an alien. I'll see for myself but just go away."

"Stop talking about jelly! You're just changing the subject!" Zim shouted." He turned to leave. "Just remember that I warned you. She'll probably destroy you. I was just hoping you'd help me get rid of her."

Gaz got up to go to the kitchen. "Finally you're leaving. Dib, you can watch your dumb show."

Zim walked out the door, glaring at Dib and jumping onto Gir so he could just ride home. Dib was just plain confused now. He wasn't sure who to believe. He told the truth about Tak, but Mer just seemed so innocent. "hey, mysterious mysterious mysteries is on!" He forgot about it in no time and continued on his daily routine.

(Zim's house)

At Zim's house, Zim was trying to find another way to get rid of Mer. It was okay that she just ignored Zim, but it was almost like she favored Dib. Dib wasn't even the same race as her! Why should she be with him all the time. Sending her back to Irk would be doing her a favor.

"Gir, I think we should try to trick Mer into going back to Irk." Zim told Gir. He wasn't sure if he really wanted her to go, but it was best if she was out of his antennae.

"But she likes you." Gir said, jumping onto his head so he started bouncing up and dowm. "Weeeeeehooo!"

Zim laughed at the remark. "What do you mean she likes me? You mean like me like me?" Zim laughed some more and then realized what Gir meant. "That's just not right..." Zim thought. "So she's mad at me?" He considered that possibility. "Nah, I can't believe I let you trick me like that, Gir! I have got to stop listening to you."

"Either can I!" Gir bounced back onto his feet. "Wait..." Zim jumped into the trash can and disappeared. "master! Wait! I have something to tell you!" Gir started running towards the can but then turned to take some muffins out of the oven.

(Mer's house)

Mer was thinking of what she should say she discovered. She was going to completely mislead Dib if she could. Unless it was something unimportant. But before she said anything to Dib she would find out what he knew. To save his time, she would say. Then, based on what he didn't know, she would try to give him false information.

Like the main diet. Not important. But she should probably say it's things like turkey or mashed potatoes. Really, the exact opposite of the real Irken diet.

But the things she really had to twist were the planet's coordinates, the reason Zim was there and anything about the Almighty Tallest. Planet Torrac was what she would call Irk. it would be in a neighbouring galaxy and Zim would be there because he was banished. Which he was, but he didn't know that. The leaders would just be the strongest. Not that the tallest weren't strong, but that wasn't their reason for ruling.

(At skool the next morning)

Mer went to talk to Dib as quickly as she could. The sooner she was over, the better. She asked him how much he knew already and she was surprised to see how much he knew.

"Well." She said. "That's really... a lot of stuff." She proceeded to give him as much false information as she could. She also tweaked his facts the best that she could.

Afterwards Dib told her about Zim coming to his house. "It was really weird. Now I'm just confused." He admitted.

"You just have to rely on your own judgement. But Zim being who he is..." She left Dib before she even really ended the sentnce. She was just finishing the daily routine she followed. Talk to a person, then go talk to more people. It was the same thing every day

The entire class spent the morning learning about cheese. How to make cheese, why they stopped making real cheese. All the while the students are thinking, 'cheese used to actually taste good?'

Zim just glared at Dib or Mer every few minutes, sitting, glaring, sitting some more, glaring some more. If it was lunch than he usually took some of Mer's food but she wouldn't give it to him any more. So he finally brought his own food, careful to cover the Irken symbol, he decided to hide it by cutting the sandwich into tiny cubes.

Mer walked home with Dib and Gaz, only part listening to what he was ranting on about. Every time he asked what she thought, she said she totally agreed. She was going to spend some of the day at his house and see if she could mess some things up.

Mer realized that she was going to have to eat dinner with them. "Dib, do you know what we're going to have to eat for dinner?"

He shrugged. "Probably pizza or something."

Mer turned her head in disgust before turning back around and smiling widely. 'Great, I love pizza. Absolutely adore it! Come on let's hurry, I can't wait!" She was acting excited beyond reasoning. Now she had to find a way to get out of the pizza mess. That would be completely easy though. Just fifteen minutes and she could come up with a brilliant idea.

"I've never met a person that likes pizza as much as Gaz does..." Dib said, glancing at his sister.

When they got to Dib's house the news was on, it featured the president man making a speech. The speech was as follows:

"Fellow citizens, I have reviewed my actions in the past years, and noticed that I have not put as much attention to our defenses against intruders as I should have. We must raise our defense against invaders of all sorts! I made a plan, we make satellites that will orbit the earth, keeping possible space attacks out, but letting our own aircraft through. Us people here on this continent can form as many alliances as possible, to become one big country, under one leader! Now who's with me?"

The crowd cheered and roared. Dib thought for a minute. "That was an unusually long speech for president man. It must've taken a while for him to make a plan like that."

"Yeah. Sucks for those aliens Zim wants to come take over the world. Let's go laugh at Zim for a while. An evil laugh maybe." Mer suggested. They laughed for a few minutes. Long time for laughing, but when they were done they went to examine some clues leading to proving Dib was ann alien. They were going to present it to the Swollen Eyeballs.

About fifteen minutes before the pizza arrived, Mer pretended to go use the bathroom so she could contact her robo-parents. Telling them to call and arrange for her return home.

Several minutes later, her robo-mom called and said that she had to go shopping. "I'm sorry Dib, I'll see you tomorrow at skool, maybe I can get some work done at my house tonight." She drove away in her car, her robo-mother was driving of course and she sighed with relief when she got home.

"Whew, all this acting is giving me a headache. I'm going to go call Zim. I want my robot back. he's already reprogrammed the president-man's brain well enough." Mer went down to the main base and called Zim.

"Mer? what do you want? I thought you liked Dib now, go bug him!" Zim told her.

"No! That's not why I'm calling, you idiot. I'm calling because the president-man is finally through, we can control him from your base. But I'm going to change it when my robot gets here. I just need you to send him here for me." She was irritated.

Zim glared. "Why do you think I'll just sit here while you take over my planet? Why should I give you back your robot?"

"Because if you don't he'll rip off your head." She said, grinding her teeth. Mer cut the connection and waited for a while. She didn't know what she was waiting for or why. But she had nothing to do. It was Zim's planet. She had no right to be there, the only reason she was there, was because the Tallest asked her to go. They were being unusually kind that day.

(Flash back time, yay!)

Red and Purple were sitting on a couch, waiting for a person to call them. They were hardly paying attention to anything. "You know," Red said, "Zim would really hate it if another person went to help him take over the Earth."

Purple agreed. "Yeah, he would." They were silent for a while. Then Zim called for no apparent reason, telling them how glad he was that they trusted him to take over a planet all alone. When they were done Purple got an idea. "Hey, Mer!"

Mer was talking to a friend nearby. "Yes my Almighty Tallest? "She stood and faced them.

Purple gave her a job. "You are Now Invader Mer, assigned to help Zim take over the Earth. Here's a S.I.R. unit." A fully functional S.I.R. unit dropped from above them. A few Irkens cheered for Mer as she walked away to get her ship ready.

(End flash back)

Very, unusually kind. Hopefully she could forgive Zim soon. it was going to be hard to do anything if he was trying to steal the mission back. She wasn't going to just make him sit there though. She would let him do stuff.

PF: Whew! Under a week. More reviews please! You're all so good to me. I can't decide what I'm going to do for the end. I love to make you all happy, so since I'd be fine either way, do you want the world to be spared, or do yo want them to take it over? My decision in the end but I want to know what most of you want.


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